Equally unfortunate, we don’t always recognize the impact aging has on our physical or mental abilities.  But our friends and family do, and more importantly, so do evil people looking to take advantage of older adults.  It is estimated that up to 5 million elderly Americans are being taken advantage of at an estimated loss of $36.5 billion (1).  At a certain point in life, we must allow ourselves to become vulnerable and open to the idea that we may need a little extra help with finances, household tasks, paying bills, driving, etc.  In no way does that imply we must stop living; just the opposite; we should think of age-appropriate help as a way to maximize living.  Without question, the most important element in this conversation is the balance of independence and self-reliance with the natural risks associated with the aging process. 

I recently became the guardian of a close family friend who has dementia.  This experience inspired me to write the Estate Planning Series and create a few Estate Planning Tools, which I thought I would share.  This series explores some of the key elements I’m thinking about as I grow older.  Hopefully, some of this information will be useful for you as well.  This series is not intended to be comprehensive or all-inclusive but rather a reflection and lessons learned from my own experiences.  Feel free to use this as a foundation for conversations with your own family, friends, or professional service providers.       

Taking on the responsibility of managing someone else’s life forced me to reflect on my own life, mortality, and the process of growing older.  I have entirely reevaluated how I am planning for my own aging process.  The experience of becoming a guardian exposed me to a myriad of medical and legal professionals.  During my meetings, I learned how much I didn’t know about dementia and the effects it has on individuals and, equally importantly, the people who care for them.  I have a new respect for caregivers serving and caring for people in this demographic.  I now see these people in the same way I respect pastors, teachers, first responders, military, etc.

Setting dementia aside, as we age, our physical and mental capacity and capability decrease.  We become more vulnerable to trips and falls, and determining the difference between junk mail and bills becomes increasingly difficult.  This isn’t anything to be embarrassed about.  Like getting wrinkles and gray hair, physical and mental decline is a natural part of aging.  But with those challenges come a few benefits.  As we age, we also tend to become wiser, have more time for hobbies, and become emotionally more stable and happier.

Becoming a caregiver to help someone as they age can be very difficult, especially if they are family.  When someone is family, you tend to be more sensitive to their feelings, which can lead to misunderstanding and, at times, hurt feelings.  In addition, depending on their cognitive ability, it may be very difficult to determine whether they are or are not capable of being totally independent.  In some cases, dementia or the impact of the natural aging process allows us to be very aware and capable in the moment, but over time (minutes, hours, days), we lose some of our executive function, which impacts our complex thinking processes.  For example, as we age, we may forget that we already have an extended warranty and sign up for another one or pay for a repair on a warranty item.  Forgetting one or two things is human, but it can be an issue if it happens routinely or has a significant negative financial impact.    

The amount of time and energy helping a friend or family member who is showing signs of cognitive decline, whether because of the natural aging process or dementia, can be significant, especially in the beginning.  Depending on the circumstances, there is the potential that stepping in for the first month or two can feel all-consuming.  You become responsible for all aspects of their life, personal, financial, spiritual, etc.  Stepping in cold and trying to get your head around what they have been doing, what still needs to be done, and what needs to be closed out can feel overwhelming.  Everyone and every situation is different, but even the simple task of paying bills can be very time-consuming.  You must check mail and email every day or two, balance the banking transactions, write checks, or log on to a website to pay bills; even autopayments need to be monitored and adjusted.  What initially seems like a quick, simple task, week after week, month after month, really starts to add up.  It’s interesting to note that the average American spends just under 2 minutes per day on their finances.  However, of the people who reported actively managing their finances, they spent, on average, just over 51 minutes per day (2).  If you decide to step in and manage someone’s finances, plan to set aside one hour per day / seven hours per week.  The same logic and process applies if you’re helping with groceries, housework, etc.  Helping someone who is no longer totally independent is a part-time job. 

Social Security was established in 1935 when the average life expectancy in America was 60.7 years; now, the average life expectancy is about 80 (3).  The information age is said to have begun in 1947, but it wasn’t until the mid-1990s before the internet became common in homes.  Statistically, our physical decline begins in our 50s (4), and our mental agility declines in our 70s (5).  When you combine life expectancy, the natural aging process, and the information age, the risks associated with living in a modern world increase year over year.  From a generational perspective, people who are beginning to enter a higher-risk demographic are currently in their late 60s.  The challenge is that this group of people has no experience to pull from.  Simply put, when they were caring for their parents, life was simpler.  They didn’t have to take on some of the roles and responsibilities we are dealing with in today’s modern times. 

I knew how important a Will was; I am now equally aware of how important it is to think about the process of growing older.  Questions I now find myself asking: when should I create a plan for the help I will probably need, what tasks would I need help with, how will I know it’s time to ask for help, etc.?  I strongly encourage us all to think about the process of aging and our mortality and how we would like to shape our own aging process.  I’ve often said if something is going to happen, whether you like it or not, wouldn’t you want to help shape the outcome?  Talk to your doctor, attorney, friends, and family, and create a plan that meets your personal needs.

Please feel free to share your own experiences and lessons learned in the comment box below.  Your shared thoughts may help someone else going through a similar experience.  Thank you.

1. Do you have a Will, Trust, or Living Probate?  Having one of these and knowing how to use them will relieve a lot of stress, if not for you, then for your family and friends.
2. Do the people you have designated in your Will or Trust know where it is located and their role?  Keeping your Will or Trust in a safe and accessible place is critical to ensuring your wishes are met.
3. Are you open to friends or family pointing out age-related declines?  It takes a strong person to admit they need a little extra help.
4. Do you have someone you can trust to help you determine when and what type of help you may need?  Talking to your doctor or a trusted confidant can help a person sort through their own thoughts, feelings, and emotions, enabling them to make informed decisions.    
5. Do you have someone you can trust to help with financial matters?  Both trust and money are hard to come by.  Finding someone you trust to help with financial matters can be an important element in estate planning.   
6. Do you have someone you can trust to help with physical activities?  This will likely be several people, i.e., driver, yard or housework, food preparation, etc.
7. Is your home set up for aging in place?  Using the American Disabilities Act (ADA)-compliant features will allow people to age in place more gracefully. 

Do not complain about growing old.  It is a privilege denied to many (Mark Twain).

Good Luck and Stay Ready, My Friends.

RuReady Resources:

1. Estate Planning Organizer
2. Estate Planning Readiness Review
3. Estate Planning Series Resource List

 Amazon Books:

1. The 36-Hour Day: A Family Guide to Caring for People Who Have Alzheimer Disease and Other Dementias (A Johns Hopkins Press Health Book)
2. The Caregiver’s Guide to Dementia: Practical Advice for Caring for Yourself and Your Loved One (Caregiver’s Guides)
3. Dementia Home Care: How to Prepare Before, During, and After

1. National Council On Aging (NCOA) (2021, Feb 23).  Get the Facts on Elder Abuse.  https://www.ncoa.org/article/get-the-facts-on-elder-abuse
2. Jack Caporal (2023, Dec 20).  How Much Time Does the Average American Spend on Personal Finance?  The Ascent, https://www.fool.com/the-ascent/research/average-american-time-personal-finance/ 
3. Aaron O’Neill (2022, Jun 21).  Life expectancy (from birth) in the United States from 1860 to 2020*.  Statista, https://www.statista.com/statistics/1040079/life-expectancy-united-states-all-time/
4. Candy Sagon (2016, Aug 25).  Stay Active: Physical Decline Starts Earlier Than Thought.   AARP.  https://www.aarp.org/health/healthy-living/info-2016/fitness-aging-physical-decline-cs.html
5. Heidi Moawad, M.D. and Rebecca Joy Stanborough (2023, Mar) Understanding Cognitive Decline: How Your Brain Changes as You Age.  Healthline.  https://www.healthline.com/health/cognitive-decline